WhatI didn’t know, I know now
I never knew how much I treasured moments
Just single moments uncluttered by how I should be
Just a joyous moment with me in it, in this moment and no other
Just the me I am and no other
I know that now. That there are such moments.
I didn’t know I loved not knowing
not knowing the wild mystery of the unanswerable
For what more could there be to know about a stranger’s kindness
except that it was a gift with no expectations?
I know this now. That one is given such unencumbered gifts.
And for all those fretful years before the mirror
I never knew that it was not how I appeared that made you love me
but simply that because you loved me, you found me beautiful
your constancy a more faithful mirror than my ever fickle self-regard
I know it now. That there can be such love.
I can’t regret not knowing
It is by the empty heart that yearning learns its longing
only, the question haunts me.
What is it that I don’t know now of which in time to come
I will say: what I didn’t know I know now?