Mish Damstra

Our Goochie

Sunning on the floorboards, our goochie forgot what he was. The sunning, the heat, the light, all lulled him into a sunnyside-up stupor – half cooked. All goochies have a sunny nature, a sunny outlook, but never has a goochie forgotten what he is.

Sunning is not the problem. What is a problem is kittening. This goochie believes he is cute – a ball-of-fluff-goochie, a play-with-wool-balls-goochie. He is kittening up a sun-soaked armchair as I write, pulling threads, gum-sucking the floral upholstery. He leaves wet patches of drool as he kittens up the backrest, his two pairs of mooning eyes reflect the chairing state of his brain. He is sitting on our armchair and on his intellect. Oh, the shame.

A goochie is NOT cute, and a goochie does NOT play.

Goochies are grey and hairless, have four mooning eyes, fat lips, and not a tooth to be found – not on, under, or behind their gums. Drool spills from their flaccid lips and a squinting goochie is frightening.

Goochies are brain extensions. Their function is to assist their owner/owners in extra-heavy intellectual pursuits. Goochies are filtered through the Brain Extension University. This goochie is chairing. He is sitting on his intellect and has bummed out. To chair is to squash fine judgement, goochie ethics, and skill. Our goochie has clean forgotten where his graduation must lead him. He is an embarrassment to all goochiedom and we are mortified. It’s no fun having an outcast in your home.
I cannot think straight. While our brain extension is sunning, kittening, and chairing, I am left to think for myself.

God, I’m exhausted.)


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